This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
