if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
