I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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