I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
