i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
