I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
