Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
