"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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