Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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