I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
