that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I touched a dick in church today
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
