I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
