He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
