Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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