He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
