Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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