we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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