my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Found the puke drawer
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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