I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
