First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
and you fell through a lawn chair
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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