theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
