if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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