birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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