I wannas sexs uuuuu
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
