I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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