very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
