Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
