All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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