I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
