THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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