If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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