So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
