Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
