the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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