I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
