living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I want to fling myself into the sun
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
