girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
