But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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