I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
