Who did Billy Mays play for?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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