I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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