I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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