Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
