my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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