Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
