I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
