So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
