is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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