now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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