i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
