Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
