You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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